Let me rephrase that..

So I read this blog post this morning.  By Rick Riordan, might've heard of him.  And he said somethings that really struck me and opened my eyes.

It's not my perfectionist side that's been getting in the way of my writing.  It's that I forgot why it was I got into it in the first place.

He said:

"We write, I hope, because we have a story to tell. How easy it is to lose sight of that, but the goal of writing is telling a good story. To be a writer, it’s not enough simply to love the idea of writing, or to dream of being published. You have to forget that. You have to find the story you must tell – the story so important to you personally that you have no choice but to write it. For me, I first got that feeling with Big Red Tequila, a story about a detective who goes home to Texas from San Francisco. It was a story born out of homesickness. I would have written it for myself whether it got published or not. But it felt different from anything else I’d ever done. I knew, deep down, that this story would get published. Then, with the Percy Jackson series, I had that sense again. I was writing a modern myth, an allegory to help my son make sense of who he was. I would have written it whether it was published or not. And it’s that very fact that made it publishable."

What I remember now, from when I was younger, was just being so excited that I had this story in my head and I couldn't wait to get it down on paper!  I was always excited for creative writing assignments cause there was so much in my head wanting to get out!

But I did also realize why I am struggling so much to get my fantasy series out of my head.  I do have that deep down sense that it will be published.  I felt it from the first moments it came to me.  It's different from anything else that's been in my head, and it's big.  It's special.  And I've put a lot of pressure on myself because I want to get it just right.  However, it's not going to come out if I don't focus on what's really important in writing.

The story.

And the story is wonderful, I'm in awe at it.  I love the characters, I love the world and I do love the story.  But I also realized that this story will not come out into the world unless I bring it out.  It's up to me, it's my responsibility to see that it gets written.

Ah writing, how I've missed you!

So let me say that I'm totally in love with this short story that I'm working on.

It's not that I think it's some earth shattering piece of awesome (well slightly...) but it's because for the first time in years and I mean yeeaaars, it won't let me put it down!  I've been working on it every day for about a week, a week and half?  And it's been great!

The progress isn't pages a day, more like a few sentences, but it's the fact that it occupies my thoughts constantly that is so, so sweet!

It also made me realize partly why I don't write as fast as I used to.  I remember when I was a kid, I'd easily whip out a ten page short story in a few days.  In grade 12b* I wrote a 44 page novellette in sometime like maybe a month?  But they were very rough and not very fine tune in the editing.

But that's when I realized that that's why I've been so slow lately!  I can't unlearn what I've learned about editing, and so my editing side nit picks as I write.  Here's how writing a scene goes these days:

"Ooo ooo ooo oo!!  This is exciting, ooo that's gotta hurt!  C'mon get him yes!"
"Ew that sentence is ickily formed, man there's too much dialogue not enough description."
"Oh shush we're trying to write a story!  Let me get it down, ew gross that sentence is off."

Aaand so on.

Or I get too caught up in sublteties.  Silly subtleties that really should not be a focus while I write anyways.  But I get sooo into them that I get distracted from the main plot. OY.

But I've started to be able to shush up the editing side of my brain long enough to actually get a first draft going!

A Mother's Wisdome

So last night while watching the olympics with my mom before supper, I started yearning to be there myself (happens every time I watch them).  But then I also told her how I was starting to miss jumping, partly because a lot of people around me are doing it and loving it, and because I've realized I'm kind of bored with doing the same tests at every show.  I miss the fact that with jumping I didn't know the course before hand.
So my mom was like: Oh so it's kind of like premiere in dancing? (in dancing you have set steps for each dance, but in the lower levels you can pick what steps you do, but in premiere their chosen for you each year).
Me: Yep.   I think it'll get better in 1st level but right now training level is really... boring.  Circle here, canter there... woooo.
Mom: hmm.... I think you need to change your attitude on this.  (translation: suck it up).

Haha... Though I agree.  I do get bored easily doing to same thing over again, buuut I do need to suck it up and do it, so I can do it well.  But I do know it'll be more fun once we get the lateral movements going.

Gotta get into boot camp mode with one more show before Championships!!

Vacay and Olympics

Whew things have been crazy lately, in a good way!  Had a show a couple of weekends ago and my girly was awesome!! :)  Brought me home some lovely 6th place ribbons! :)  Then last weekend I took some much needed and well deserved time off and headed off to North Bay for a family cottage trip!  I had a blast!  But most importantly I slept, a lot.  (Till ten one morning, I was in shock the entire day haha!)  Read by the beach, went swimming, pushed kids off the dock, campfires, and great food, life definitely was at an all time high.

I've barely seen any of the olympics sadly.  The only time I really wish I had both cable and internet, but I've been catching what I can.

One thing though that's irked me for quite a while is that fact that Ian Millar is still on the olympic team.  Oy -.-  But it's also what really impressed me about Phelps retiring after this round of the games.  He's been to 4 if I recall correctly, which I think is a really good number of times to go, but now he's leaving the way open for others to come in and get their shot.

Then there's Ian Millar who's on trip like 8 or something?  And what's he done to show for it?  I'm pretty sure the last medal earned at the olympics was the team silver, so it was no his effort alone, and if I recall correctly I think the last time he did do well was with Big Ben.  (Big Ben was retired when I was four, I'm now 23).

Like seriously, enough's enough.  I'm tired of seeing his name on the team roster, step down and let others have their shot of representing their country.