"So and so needs a woman with a strong hand." "I handle horses."

I remember once upon a time when I would have thoughts but keep them to myself.  I'm letting my sassy side out more and I quite enjoy it.  :)

It's interesting because within the past few weeks a lot of awesome things have been happening to my friends.  Getting engaged, having their first child, pretty sweet!  Though during those moments I used to always feel that pang of longing and "when is it my turn?"

But lately I've just felt a huge amount of peace.  Now when friends get into relationships or get engaged, I can genuinely be just happy for them cause I know when the time is right it will be my turn.  I just have to let Him guide me and life will be more awesome for it.

Plus there's been this shift in me recently.  I'm not sure when it started, but I know going to the Temple really helped secure it.  But I've felt a lot more comfortable with who I am and I'm far more confident letting myself show it.  My sassy side is coming out more often and I'm not afraid to say things that before hand would've left me completely mortified.

I still blush like a tomato but meh, at least I've said it!  (Like the title to this blog, muahahaha).

I'm totally grateful for the friends I have too.  Through small and simple things have been a huge support and guideance and example and it's so easy to be myself around them that I feel it a lot easier to take that extra step out of my comfort zone.

And I forgive myself a lot faster for not asking guys out when I want to (there were people around, heh), but I find myself doing things to try to be like: Hey I'm interested!  Cause part of me is still to shy to come right out and say it... But that's also part of me, and I've learned to live with it.

I guess really I've just gotten a lot more comfortable in my own skin.  It feels good to be me.

In other news, Belle would really like to trot.  She keeps telling me so.  She'll be really good for about seven minutes and then starts prancing, stressing out, swishing her tail and being like: Yo!  Mother!  TROT!  Sadly for Belle her owner is extremely forgetful about calling vets, especially when she has to call again to see if the vet even got her message (I hate phoning...)  My bad...  But it's really nice to see, because she obviously feels really, really good!

I've also been actually writing lately.  A short story that popped into my head.  My breakthrough happened when I decided to actually use pen and paper and lo and behold, I wrote three pages!  I hit a little snag with it sadly, but at least it's actually something!  And for the first time in a while, I didn't want to put it down to go to work, and eagerly went straight back to it!  I may post it on here when it's finished.  We'll see. :)

I learned recently too that a route I previously thought wasn't an option for me, has been an option all along.  For as long as I could remember I've wanted to be a combat engineer.  It's what my dad did and his stories always made me really want to join up and do the same.  (Blowing up bridges?  Sweetness!  Hiding out in the rain and laughing hysterically during a war game?  Priceless!)  But I always thought you'd have to go through University and get a degree... Then I learn from my parents that to be an officer, yes, but not for non commissioned members.

This was me:  Oh really? *eye quirk* Then: 8D  There was also a lot of giggling and arm flailing... Yes I am that kind of girl.  And yes, basic training sounds like fun.  Brutal, but definitely fun.  (And don't worry, I know it's not all fun and games.   I'm an army brat, I've grown up with it).

I've been thinking for quite a few years now (since about college) of joining the reserves.  I just want to make sure it's a doable path for me.  I don't want to cut out more horsey time than necessary, and there's more in my life now to consider than there was while I was in college.

Sometimes I miss not having responsibilities, haha!  But it feels right and if it's meant to be things will work out somehow!

Also My favouritest song ever.