Figuring Things Out

So, I've been attempting (using the word loosely) to write a fantasy series of novels for almost two years. "Attempting" because there has been stretches of months where I literally have not touched it.

It's rather frustrating, because for years and years I've been hoping an idea would spring into my head that had enough substance to make a series. I now have the idea for three different series, that tie together, plus a few others that aren't connected.... Yet there has been no progress past outlining, more outlining, and simply just whining.

I'd try, but I'd get a most four or five sentences out and it'd whither and die. At first I thought I was being too perfectionistic, trying to get it right the first time. But I realized it's a bit more than that (Cause that's definitely part of it) it's fear. Fear has been holding me back.

What's so scary about writing? Nothing, but I'm scared of getting it wrong. Not capturing the story and the characters well enough, scared it's too boring, scared the story isn't paced right, scared my grammar is too rusty for me to form proper sentence structure.

So all this fear turned into glue that clogged my creative channels and gave me nothing to work with. I had no flow and without any flow, I can't write.

Which is partly why I've never followed through with the idea of taking an online english course to brush up, I may still do that, but once I have a first draft that's ready for editing.

There are days I definitely wish I could turn off my brain, just the fear and doubt side that's oh so irritating. But I guess I'll just have to tough it out as per usual.

But hopefully now that I've actually figured out the root of the problem I'll be able to actually write these stories.... Because I keep getting more ideas and will be writing for the rest of my life! Not that I'm complaining. :)