So, currently I'm extremely thankful I visit my parents once a week (sometimes twice). Not only do I get at least one free meal (sometimes three or four), get their company, but I get INTERNET!!!
And with internet I can watch the Legend of Korra. Fantabulous that show is!!
I have just one issue with it.
THEY STOLE MY BRAINCHILD! Aman = one of my villains. (Me keeping name hidden :P)
Seriously, the similarities between them are eerily accurate. Even the appearance!! Hood + face mask. Every episode I watch with Aman in it sends shivvers down my spine, not only cause he's also a fantastic villain, but because he's soooo much like my villain that I literally feel like I'm watching my own brain child at work. And after the last episode there's no doubt in my mind they somehow cloned him.
But it also freaks me out for an entirely different reason.
See, this whole not being able to write my own stories for months on end leaves me with stress, which also makes the block worse. But, lately more and more stories I see (either in book, show or movie form) echo ideas and characters I've had in my brain for years (this villain has been in my head for at least 4 or 5 years, perhaps more) and I keep thinking that when I finally get them written people will think I've ripped off the ideas.
It seriously scares me so much! But it doesn't help me get my stories written and it's so frustrating. I wouldn't be so scared and frustrated if I was at least making progress. But there has been none. Sometimes I feel so incapable of doing anything I have to motivate myself to do. (ie selling Avon = complete and total fail... as with selling old tack... doing paintings... yeah...)
Like I really, really, really wish I could just connect my computer to my brain. Because the stories are there, the characters are there. And they are so alive. They're itching to come out into the world and I feel like I'm failing them. (And I do very much consider characters and stories to be living, it's what helps me write). But their voices have been so quiet for so long because I repressed them thinking I was going nuts. (Well I had so called friends tell me they thought I was nuts. Great self esteem boost right there let me tell you).
There are still so many mental demons in my head I have to fight with and I keep ignoring them and backing off instead. Ugh seriously, I can be so frustrating. I have such a hard time letting go of things and moving on.
But, this is also partly why I've forgiven Nickelodeon for taking my brain child because for the first time in years he spoke to me. Clearly and plainly. I'd been talking to a friend about how I could not for the life of me figure out his motivations, and he just up and said it. I was like WOAH! Long time no chat buddy.
Anywhooooo. I saw the Avengers today, it was totally worth getting up early to start work extra early and be in ottawa in time for an 11am showing. See it now, NOW! It completely surpassed my expectations, and they were high let me tell you! :)
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Sometimes Inspiration Hits Like an Arrow to the Head
Okay not really, but that sentence popped into my head and I wanted to use it.
General Conference + Spirit = Inspirition and guideance galore.
Sadly I was ill prepared and this conference has not been on the list of most epic. But that's also because I missed all of yesterday, and hit and miss internet made me miss most of this afternoon's session. But this morning? Absolutely fantastic! Though once I got back to my parents I bawled my eyes out.
What can I say? Sometimes I'm a hormonal woman who gets highly emotional. 90% of the time I'm a major tomboy who's one of the guys (I prefer those times). But sometimes crying is exactly what's needed. And it's not exactly the crying that helps (barely breathing and having tears and snot streaming down your face isn't enjoyable) but the opportunity to just feel what needs to be felt is sadly a very rare, but very freeing blessing.
What could've prompted it? I won't go into all of it. But I think it's partly me feeling entirely overworked. Well... not necessarily overworked per say, but over tired. I've been denying it for a while now, since I work at most 5 hours a day, how could that make one over worked? But I think it's because the timing of my schedule is a bit awkward... Add to that the hour drive to get to where most of my friends live, means I have a pretty darn non existent social life. If I didn't live at the stable where people come and go I'd have no social life, which would be a major bummer.
Though now I've hit this awkward limbo where I want to do things with people, but still don't quite follow through, or my schedule just doesn't work out.
Ironically this wasn't even what I was going to originally write about. But I don't mind when my fingers take over and write for me, they know things.
Anywhoo, I was reading another blog (I'm reading more and more) and it suddenly hit me. I need to write every day! That's what I've been missing!
I've been trying to do this for years. But what struck me this time was that I should write about my experiences every day, even if I can't post them to here. There's been so many days where I've wished I could update my blog, and then I realized that even if I can't update it that moment, I could at least write about what's on my mind.
I think I sometimes forget that blog writing is still writing. I've gotten overly obsessed with book mode that it kind of completely ruined my creative writing mojo. I realized recently too that I'd stopped writing for the reasons that got me to love it so much. I used to long to write for the characters and the stories. To see how these visions in my head would translate to paper. And that's what finally helped me finish a chapter I'd been avoiding working on for months.
But the habit isn't there. I still avoid it and still don't write like I want to every day. Which is highly counter productive to trying to get a story written.
Sometimes too, I feel completely inadequate to do what I feel I should be doing. I feel these stories in my head are so big, I don't know how I could possibly do them enough justice. Maybe what it all comes down too is that I'm afraid everyone will hate them and so I want to keep them hidden.
But that also fills me with anxiety cause I know they need to be written.
Sometimes I want to rip my emotions out so I can write... but I can't write without emotions so that would be null and void.
Maybe all I really need is to open up to the people around me.
General Conference + Spirit = Inspirition and guideance galore.
Sadly I was ill prepared and this conference has not been on the list of most epic. But that's also because I missed all of yesterday, and hit and miss internet made me miss most of this afternoon's session. But this morning? Absolutely fantastic! Though once I got back to my parents I bawled my eyes out.
What can I say? Sometimes I'm a hormonal woman who gets highly emotional. 90% of the time I'm a major tomboy who's one of the guys (I prefer those times). But sometimes crying is exactly what's needed. And it's not exactly the crying that helps (barely breathing and having tears and snot streaming down your face isn't enjoyable) but the opportunity to just feel what needs to be felt is sadly a very rare, but very freeing blessing.
What could've prompted it? I won't go into all of it. But I think it's partly me feeling entirely overworked. Well... not necessarily overworked per say, but over tired. I've been denying it for a while now, since I work at most 5 hours a day, how could that make one over worked? But I think it's because the timing of my schedule is a bit awkward... Add to that the hour drive to get to where most of my friends live, means I have a pretty darn non existent social life. If I didn't live at the stable where people come and go I'd have no social life, which would be a major bummer.
Though now I've hit this awkward limbo where I want to do things with people, but still don't quite follow through, or my schedule just doesn't work out.
Ironically this wasn't even what I was going to originally write about. But I don't mind when my fingers take over and write for me, they know things.
Anywhoo, I was reading another blog (I'm reading more and more) and it suddenly hit me. I need to write every day! That's what I've been missing!
I've been trying to do this for years. But what struck me this time was that I should write about my experiences every day, even if I can't post them to here. There's been so many days where I've wished I could update my blog, and then I realized that even if I can't update it that moment, I could at least write about what's on my mind.
I think I sometimes forget that blog writing is still writing. I've gotten overly obsessed with book mode that it kind of completely ruined my creative writing mojo. I realized recently too that I'd stopped writing for the reasons that got me to love it so much. I used to long to write for the characters and the stories. To see how these visions in my head would translate to paper. And that's what finally helped me finish a chapter I'd been avoiding working on for months.
But the habit isn't there. I still avoid it and still don't write like I want to every day. Which is highly counter productive to trying to get a story written.
Sometimes too, I feel completely inadequate to do what I feel I should be doing. I feel these stories in my head are so big, I don't know how I could possibly do them enough justice. Maybe what it all comes down too is that I'm afraid everyone will hate them and so I want to keep them hidden.
But that also fills me with anxiety cause I know they need to be written.
Sometimes I want to rip my emotions out so I can write... but I can't write without emotions so that would be null and void.
Maybe all I really need is to open up to the people around me.
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