My Brain Child!!

So, currently I'm extremely thankful I visit my parents once a week (sometimes twice).  Not only do I get at least one free meal (sometimes three or four), get their company, but I get INTERNET!!!

And with internet I can watch the Legend of Korra.  Fantabulous that show is!!

I have just one issue with it.

THEY STOLE MY BRAINCHILD!  Aman = one of my villains.  (Me keeping name hidden :P)

Seriously, the similarities between them are eerily accurate.  Even the appearance!!  Hood + face mask.  Every episode I watch with Aman in it sends shivvers down my spine, not only cause he's also a fantastic villain, but because he's soooo much like my villain that I literally feel like I'm watching my own brain child at work.  And after the last episode there's no doubt in my mind they somehow cloned him.

But it also freaks me out for an entirely different reason.

See, this whole not being able to write my own stories for months on end leaves me with stress, which also makes the block worse.  But, lately more and more stories I see (either in book, show or movie form) echo ideas and characters I've had in my brain for years (this villain has been in my head for at least 4 or 5 years, perhaps more) and I keep thinking that when I finally get them written people will think I've ripped off the ideas.

It seriously scares me so much!  But it doesn't help me get my stories written and it's so frustrating.  I wouldn't be so scared and frustrated if I was at least making progress.  But there has been none.  Sometimes I feel so incapable of doing anything I have to motivate myself to do.  (ie selling Avon = complete and total fail... as with selling old tack... doing paintings... yeah...)

Like I really, really, really wish I could just connect my computer to my brain.  Because the stories are there, the characters are there.  And they are so alive.  They're itching to come out into the world and I feel like I'm failing them.  (And I do very much consider characters and stories to be living, it's what helps me write).  But their voices have been so quiet for so long because I repressed them thinking I was going nuts.  (Well I had so called friends tell me they thought I was nuts.  Great self esteem boost right there let me tell you).

There are still so many mental demons in my head I have to fight with and I keep ignoring them and backing off instead.  Ugh seriously, I can be so frustrating.  I have such a hard time letting go of things and moving on.

But, this is also partly why I've forgiven Nickelodeon for taking my brain child because for the first time in years he spoke to me.  Clearly and plainly.  I'd been talking to a friend about how I could not for the life of me figure out his motivations, and he just up and said it.  I was like WOAH! Long time no chat buddy.

Anywhooooo.  I saw the Avengers today, it was totally worth getting up early to start work extra early and be in ottawa in time for an 11am showing.  See it now, NOW!  It completely surpassed my expectations, and they were high let me tell you! :)