It was a beautiful weekend, and I sat riveted for hour after hour to what the apostles and prophet and other leaders of the Church had to say. And considering I have ADHD, it truly is amazing that I could pay attention for all that time (2, two hour sessions per day).
I don't remember what all the messages were about, but I do remember that each confirmed to me the truth, that this was in fact the true Church of Christ. But the talk that struck me the strongest, and still strikes me even now, was the one by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (one of my favourite speakers since), his talk None Were With Him.
He speaks so tenderly, so emotionally, of what the Saviour Jesus Christ went through in the days leading up to, and during this sacred time of year. He spoke of the people who left Him, the people who mocked and abused Him, spoke of the pain he went through to grant to us, to me the most precious gift any could offer. A way out, a way to be freed from our sins, our burdens, our weaknesses, to come to Him and embrace true joy and happiness.
At the time, I wasn't yet a member. I was still gathering up my courage to tell my family that joining the church was what I wanted to do, that I wanted to be baptized. And, as I realized while watching this, I was still preparing myself to fully accept this truth.
As I sat and listened, I came to an overpowering realization that my life, all that I had done, said and thought, that was every ill, cause Him to suffer. My mistakes, my fears, my despair, my hopelessness and loneliness he felt as keenly as I felt and experienced them. The realization that hit me shook me t my core and I started to cry. I don't think I'd ever cried like that before, or ever will again. I don't remember saying anything specific, or even thinking it.
But, after a few moments of bitter weeping I felt such great love come over me, with peace and tenderness. I literally felt like the Saviour Himself was wrapping me up in His arms and holding me close. Okay I lied earlier, I cried even more after that.
But, once my tears were spent, I felt great joy.
Let me quote from Alma, cause he says it so beautifully:
12 But I was racked with aeternal btorment, for my soul was charrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.
13 Yea, I did
remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was atormented
with the bpains
of hell; yea, I saw that I had crebelled
against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.
15 Oh, thought I, that I acould
be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be
brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my bdeeds.
18 Now, as my
mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus,
thou Son of God, ahave
mercy on me, who am bin
the cgall
of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting dchains
of edeath.
19 And now,
behold, when I thought this, I could remember my apains
bno
more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
20 And oh, what
ajoy,
and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy
as exceeding as was my pain!
My resolve was firm from that day on I had no doubts. It did take me another few months before I was baptized (in July), but I know so deeply that Jesus Christ is our Saviour and Redeemer and He came to suffer and die and live again for us, for me.
His love is pure and true, and it does not matter what you've done, He loves you and cares for you and only wants your happiness. Anything and everything I have given up to join His church and follow Him has been worth it. I don't miss anything from my life before.
Please, take time to get to know Him, it's well worth it.
;_; You're amazing <33 Love you! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete<3 Love you too! You're wonderful Savvykins!! :)
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