Has it really been a month since I last posted? Life hasn't been nuts per say, but my thoughts have been rather jumbled and occupied. And I've been writing a little side project just for me just to get me into the habit of writing again. (Which worked for exactly 20,000 words until I hit a mental block, blegh).
Part of the reason I haven't posted is because I keep getting this nudge to write about a topic that I don't feel like touching, I know I will but right now I just need to spew out thoughts and feelings so I can think straight again. Cause my tone is a little too angry at this point to deal with it properly.
So, here's my issue. I know I'm soft spoken, sometimes I stumble over my words and don't speak clearly. But very, very often, even when I am speaking perfectly clear, I feel like people just don't freaking listen to what I'm saying.
And it's really ticking me off.
I've lost track of all the times people have talked over me, or said something completely opposite to where I was going with that: yeah I totally get you! attitude and I'm thinking: No you don't, you missed it completely and don't freaking care.
Sometimes people just get it in their heads that they think they know what I'm going to say and won't acknowledge what I've actually said. Sometimes people are so determined that they're right that they won't listen to my kind correction (like that float was a giant shopping cart dad, it had nothing to do with hay, but whatever it's not like I live out in the country or anything).
And I think I've just hit a point where I'm like: You know what? Forget it. I'm sick and tired of wasting my breath on people who don't listen anyways. Cause they're not worth it.
The only problem is that there are so many freaking people that don't listen to me. People think I don't talk often. It's not that I don't want to or don't like to, I've just given up on trying. People are too busy with what they have to say.
It makes me feel like people don't actually care about me, which for the most part wouldn't surprise me if it was true.
People just see me as they think I am instead of actually taking the time to get to know me. Or they pretend to listen and then turn around do exactly the opposite of what I asked. Or ask me to do something that if they had just payed attention, they would've realized that yeah, it would've been a boneheaded question and best left avoided.
But don't mind me, go ahead and try to tell me how I'm feeling. It's not like I know myself or anything. I've just lived with myself for the past 23 years... Aka my entire life.
Ps, I've hit the point where if you don't actually want to listen to me I'll just give up and walk away. I've dealt with enough jerks in my life to know when to give up. I'm done.
