Science VS Religion

I haven't done this much research since I was obsessively reading anything and everything related to Anicent Egypt.  It's exciting and thrilling because it has my brain actively thinking and analyzing the world around me again, and it reminded me of how much I love science.

I've been watching a youtube video series, which if you have me on facebook you'll know about it since I've posted a couple of links.  Why I Left Mormonism  I highly recommend it.  He's very unbiased and has no animosity which I find really incredible.

Anyways, while I was watching part 5, it suddenly struck me (enough that I sat bolt upright and opened up my blog) the reason why it's so hard, if not impossible, for human beings to discuss religious "truths"  And it is because so much of it is based in our emotions.

What words do we hear most often when people are talking about it?  I feel, I know, I testify, etc.

Whereas in science, every single form of science, you have facts, equations, variables, etc.  And although a scientist may be emotionally invested in their work, at the end of the day you cannot deny scientific evidence.  It is entirely based on evidence that can be seen, that can be proved or disproved, and at the end of the day it had nothing to do with emotional based spiritual experiences.

I don't know what may or may not be true regarding God.  But I do have some strong hypotheses and experiences that I had conveniently forgotten while living in the Mormon church.  Truthfully at this point I am hesitant, even unwilling to believe specifically in god.  But, I do feel that there is a power out there that helps to shape the universe, and I do feel that in a way, it helps guide us when we need its guidance.

But ultimately I feel we are very much in control of our own destinies and can literally influence the world around us.  Watch and learn.

I guess I just wish that it were possible to discuss our views without our emotions getting in the way.  But when it comes to beliefs and religions, it's not necessarily impossible, but it is very likely to be charged with emotion, because that is what it is based in.

Really though life at the end of the day is about being happy.  And I think the only way to be happy is to be true to yourself.  For me that meant leaving the church.  I haven't felt this happy or comfortable in my own skin in years.  It's easier to talk to and connect with people.  I no longer worry about the spirit being offended.  Now all I worry about is if my horse is okay and knowing what I can do to help bring a little more equality and understanding into the world.

Writing has become easier because I'm more willing to look at things objectively and I haven't been distracted by a constant nagging guilt.  I recently did a big writer no-no and deleted everything off my computer from that book series I've been talking about for years.  I felt it necessary to do a complete do over.  So for now it's just gonna sit as a vacant spot in my computer until I can reboot my brain properly.

But I'm excited.  Cause there are so many mysteries left to explore and I can wander all over the place without fear.  I can find truth wherever it lies and communicate with people of different races, religions and sexual orientations without worry.  We're all human and that's all that matters.

Being Brave

No sense beating around the Bush anymore so I'm just going to say it:

I've left the Church. (the mormon one for those who dont know).

I know it's a crappy way for some of you to find out, but this way I can get my thoughts out.

First I want to say that I do not regret joining the church. It came at a time when I needed hope, and I've met many wonderful people through it.

That being said, there's a lot that's wrong with it. And if it's supposed to be true, that shouldn't be the case should it?

I can't remember where or when exactly I found out, but I learned that the church put forth funding to make sure proposition 8 was passed. This both enraged and disgusted me. What right did they have to interfere in others lives like that? And using, I'm guessing, money from tithing to do it? What happened to agency? Free will? The actions spoke very differently than the words.

And it left a disquiet in my soul. Which then opened the way for some clear and concise thinking, which I hadn't allowed myself to do in years.

So many things I'd piled onto my shelf came topping down, and after barely any effort came across a lot of information about the church that completely discredits their claim of truth. I've also spoken with people I trust, and have very quickly learned I'm among many who left not because of sin, but because we realized we'd been lied to.

After a lot of reading and a scary afternoon of contemplating the potential damming of my soul, I decided that I was going to leave.

Years if guilt and doubt washed away and I was left feeling free and in control. And that's how it should be. We are in control of ourselves, completely. We do not need religion to dictate every aspect of our lives, especially not our underwear.

See, for a while I've wondered why people weren't more willing to accept the truth of the church. But it's because it does not hold up to serious inquiry. Evidence quickly debunks so much of it. And the god they claim to be so merciful and dull of unconditional love? If that's the case, why are there so many steps to follow and rules to obey to get into the highest glory? Which, even if it turns out to be true, I'd rather be with my family and those I care about.

I'm looking forward to my wedding again. Where my family can see their only daughter get married. As it should be. It's about family isn't it? Why must it be so exclusive?

I could go on and on and perhaps I'll touch on the subject again. But for now this is all I have to say. I know I made the right decision because for the first time in years I'm very comfortable in my own skin and I no longer have to solicit my thoughts.

Hit and Miss

So, recap of the show!
It was really nice waking up at 5:30 when my body decided too instead of my alarm yelling at me. It was also really nice having a lot of time to get my horse white again. (cause one bath is not enough apparently).
They were calling for 30, feels like 40 weather so in my mind I was prepping for a crappy hot day. Thankfully the morning was cloudy and not too bad at all. It stayed cloudy for most of the morning which included warn up and test 1.
This show was a little different because there wasn't space to ride outside if the ring, but we could do a little warm up inside of it. Part of me thought: this should be good for helping me ride like I normally do. We are in the ring and riding normally, yes!
Bell gets rung, we duck out to reenter the ring. And then suddenly the beautiful supple and even paced horse is gone. Perfect confirmation that yes, it IS me doing who knows what in the ring.
Oh well, at least it was seriously funny.
My scores were much better than I thought (60,61 won't! We had a shadow judge) and we came in 6th, but no ribbon sadly.
But that's ok, I will ride better and improve and get me a ribbon! (yes I'm highly competitive).
Test 2, started out being a little wishy washy with a crooked halt (ny bad), and belle resisting a bit, but I was like: no, just ride and get to it. Then boom! I think belle was relieved that I'd actually remembered to ride and breathe during the test. She was round, supple, and we were accurate (not perfect) in our leg yields and my pony had some awesome lengthens.
I came out feeling great and relieved. Ha! Take that nerves I beat ya and rode through it!
Then got a 58 and came in 9th.

Can't please everyone.

Goal for the next show: ride my tests in sitting trot!

Busy Weekend Ahead!

Oh my gosh I can post from my phone, woot!

Moving on.

Show on Sunday which means chores and show prep tomorrow. It's going to be killer hot so I'm gonna be disgusting by the end of it. Hopefully I'll make it out to a show tomorrow too to help out and cheer on some friends! But we'll see how the timing works out.

Today I had a nice chat with one of the ladies at work and something she said really stuck out to me: just focus on your little goal. A light bulb went on in my head and I was: Oh duh, right, that's what I've been missing. I've gotten really good at visualizing, but forgot that pretty important step.

So my goal for this show is to ride like I normally do.

What I mean by that is that, I tend to change my ride enough to affect belle in the show ring. Which affects how she carries herself. At home and in the warm up ring she's nice and soft, moving forward when I don't zone out, and we leg yield very nicely. Then I enter the ring and it all goes out the window. :P

But something tells me that with 30c weather before the humidex will have me too hot to give a crap. Which, ironically at a show, is a good thing for me! :);

Into Darkness

Okay, I can't keep my mouth shut anymore.  So if you have not seen this movie yet disregard this post!  It hurts me inside to spoil people. But I must discuss why this movie is so awesome!!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So a little while ago I read this blog  and was blown away by the incredible writing that went into that story to craft such a beautiful theme.  Fast forward to the present and you get Star Trek: Into Darkness.

Now, despite being a writer myself, I've always struggled with recognizing theme, let alone describing it, let alone having any idea what themes are in my stories.  (I let them form on their own because otherwise I over focus on them and it kills the whole story).

Watching this movie however, I was completely glued to my seat the entire time with my jaw hanging open as I watched this amazingly written and acted story play out.  And it's the first time that the first time through watching a movie I was aware that someone did write it.  (I'm always "aware" but yeah, moving on).

I'm still in awe at how beautifully they touched on the themes in the Wrath of Khan, mirrored them, and then brought in something new.

So, the story opens when they're on a planet that starts with an n (give me another viewing and I'll have that memorized along with quotes that are already in my brain).  They're working to stop an active volcano from errupting and wiping out the planet.

However as do most things with that crew, things go wrong.  While lowering Spock into the volcano to set up his device that will freeze it, his line is cut and he falls in.  The shuttle has to leave because the engines are being fried by the heat.

To skip ahead a little they're trying to find ways to get Spock back on board before the device goes off and kills him, but Spock being Spock keeps reminding them that to do so would go against their prime directive of not being seen.

He's perfectly willing to let himself die to make sure that doesn't happen, and does his Vulcan thing and doesn't show any emotion that goes along with dying.

They end up saving him of course, but Uhura is, putting it bluntly, pissed.

But here they touch upon something quite beautiful.  I'll get to it in a minute.

Later on after the antagonist of the story blows up a building, then later attacks Starfleet headquarters and Pike dies in the conflict (sad).  Spock mind melds with Pike as he's dying and feels his emotions.  Kirk, being very much human, as soon as he sees Pike is gone, breaks down right away and cries.  He feels the emotions Spock as chosen not to.

Skipping ahead cause I won't say everything that happens in the movie.  They chase John Harrison to Kronos, the Klingon home world.  While they are flying through its atmosphere, Uhura and Spock have a discussion.  Uhura is hurt and upset that Spock had so willingly accepted death.  Accuses him of not feeling or caring what him being gone would've done to her.

Spock however, very sweetly reminds her that just because he choose not to feeling, does not mean that he didn't care.  He says that while Pike died he felt his emotions of anger, loneliness, confusion, emotions he had already felt multiplied greatly as he'd watched his home-world be destroyed.  Emotions he'd vowed never to feel again.  I think in a way, he's afraid of getting in touch with his human side.

Often times in the movie, now that I think of it, Kirk keeps telling Spock that he's trying to talk to the human half of him.  That he is half human and that means certain things come with that.  Emotions being one of them, and loyalty to friends above loyalty to the rules.

Anyhow, fast forward through many awesome moments (like discovering John Harrison is Khan), and so forth.  The enterprise is severely damaged by the new ship and is being pulled by Earth's gravity.  But they have no power and no way of stopping it.  Spock tries to order everyone to escape but they refuse and stay with him.

Down in engeneering Scotty, Kirk and Chekov are working to get power back on the ship.  That's when they discover the... name escapes me, but the thingies are out of alingment and there's no way to revive the ship.

Kirk however, knows there is a way.  Someone would have to go into the highly radiated core and realign the (dang it I almost had the word).  He knocks Scotty out so he can go in there himself and do it (cue much crying from me).

When Kirk's actions succeed and the ship is safely hovering in the atmosphere, someone on the bridge exclaims it's a miracle.  Spock however, says there's no such thing.  That's when Scotty tells him that he needs to get down to engineering and fast.

Right here, riiight here is where the beautiful really starts happening.

Spock gets up and sprints down the ship, and you can see on his face that he knows exactly what he's going to find, but desperately wants to be wrong.

Here, they beautifully, beautifully, beautifully mirror the scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock dies.  But instead obviously it's Kirk.  (And here comes me awkwardly trying to breathe without sobbing in the theater, cause that's embarrassing).

Kirk and Spock talk about how each of them did something the other would have done.  Spock crippled Khan's ship by setting off the torpedoes me made Khan think still had his crew inside, while Kirk sacrificed himself to save the ship.  Kirk then tells Spock that he's afraid.  He asks Spock how he does it?  How does he choose not to fear.

Spock is starting to cry.  He tells Kirk that in that moment he doesn't know how.  He can't remember how because he's feeling.  He's feeling the fear, the pain, the loss.  He's loosing his friend.  After Kirk dies, Spock lets out a huge bellow of rage.  (And I'm seriously a mess at this point).

But isn't it amazing??  The whole movie is a journey for Spock to come in touch with his human side.  To let go and feel.  He's no longer denying his emotions and this point and for the rest of the climax is acting based on his emotions rather than his logic.

Kirk doesn't actually stay dead (thank heavens) because of Khan's superblood and a cryotube.

I remember my mom telling me about a review before I went to see it, saying the movie had no character development and was trying to hard to please both old and new fans.

To that reviewer:  This movie has some of the best character development I have ever seen.  They meshed the old an the new in a way that I never saw coming and completely blew my mind.  They paid homage to an amazing movie and made it their own.

I am still blown away by how awesome that movie is.

The Next Step

Sometimes you're faced with a choice that you know will hurt people.

But you have to make it anyways.

I've already made it, the only question for me now is how to go about telling people.

We Went Mudding

So, I've had this crazy desire for 10+ years.  It comes from the days I had free time and cable and could actually watch show jumping on the weekends.  Whenever I'd see a horse that had crazy wet and muddy footing, part of me thought it looked like a lot of fun to ride through that.  No, seriously, I thought it looked like fun.

Fast forward to the present (well yesterday) and I finally got my chance!  Minus the jumping.

And honestly, it was fun.

People kept commenting on how clean she was.  I 'm still in shock at that.

I was a little concerned at first because Belle usually skirts around every puddle, but I guess when the entire ground is saturated, she doesn't care.  She splashed through that soggy ground like a pro and I couldn't be happier with how she did!

This is going to suck to clean.

It's the first show where after tediously cleaning all my tack I thought to myself:  Why did I bother?  My tack has never looked so disgusting, lol!!  And although I do enjoy cleaning tack, I don't enjoy having to do it so frequently.  (Ie: I clean tack before shows and clinics... occasionally during the winter if it's really bad).

But hey, my horse rode through puddles and even though one of our leg yields was practically non existent and we didn't make the letter (they shortened the ring I swear), placing 5th in both our tests in some pretty big classes leaves this girl feeling very proud of her pony.  This was quite the first show of the season to take her too!

It also helps to know great people who are willing to help you out when you're in a bind!  :)  Belle enjoyed having an entourage.