Dating....

So I was reading from this great blog about how to attract a mentor and I couldn't help but notice so many similarities with dating.  In fact if anything it's exactly the same.  Because really finding that person you want to marry shouldn't be any more difficult than finding friends.

But it seems, because of it's importance people tend to put a little too much thought into it.

I've hit a stage where if I did swear it'd have to be bleeped out.  But I've hit that oh "forget" it stage, because for years it has been very, very frustrating to deal with people of the opposite gender.  And most of the frustration is from lack of time, because really "lack of time" is lack of proper motivation*.  Because when I can I will make time to see friends, etc.

*but it also means I like to be in bed by 9:30 cause I get sleepy at 8....

But I'm also incredibly frustrated because I look at the history of guys I've dealt with and oh... my... GOSH!!  It has "I'm too nice" written all over it.

Anywhoo, while I was reading that blog post I came across this great  statement:

Finding the right mentor will involve this frustrating x factor that you cannot control. Don’t try too hard to conjure it on your own—when you put a lot of effort into forming a friendship it is embarrassingly transparent. And it will have the adverse effect of what you are hoping for.

 I've had guys try way, way, way too hard to form a relationship with me.  And when I read this it was an: oh my gosh THANK YOU! moment!  Because it really is so freaking transparent, and really does send the message of either

1. They're desperate.
2. Or they're creepy.
3. Or both.

I've dealt with these a lot. I've also got quite a block list going on on fb...

Because nothing is more frustrating than having someone constantly AT you trying desperately to get you.  It is NOT flattering and really gives absolutely no consideration to the person you're trying so hard to be with.

You have to be aware of the person you're talking to or trying to you.  What's their body language like?  Are they meeting your eyes?  Are they smiling or grimacing?  Are they glancing towards the door?  Do they seem genuinely  happy to be around you and talking?

AND let me just say, just because some is happy and having doesn't automatically mean they're interested in that way and there is nothing wrong with that.  I struggle with this sometimes too, and it's really hard if you do have a crush on someone.  But that's when it's important to take a deep breath, step back, and just see how the encounter turns out.

Don't get me wrong, I've made plenty of embarrassing dating mistakes that make me want to crawl into a hole and hide when I think of them.  But really, you just have to laugh, shrug and move one cause it's part of being human.  We tend to muss things up, but that's a part of learning.

Take it slow too.  Don't rush or push because that just drives people away.  Some people might be carrying around baggage that'll take time to let go of.  And they may not want to tell you about it after three dates because they just don't trust you enough to open up to you.  And don't take that personally either.

And if you do have baggage?  Wait a little bit before talking about it... It's not a first date kind of thing.

So really, I guess I just feel like dating is being taken way, way too seriously.  Just get to know people and see where it leads.  Take the time to listen, take the time to observe and learn about the people around you.  Because anyone can take you completely by surprise.

That's also where I'm at too.  Sure I have a some guys I'm interested in but I'm mainly just waiting to see what comes along and who'll surprise me.

Which may take a while since I've been a semi-hermit for a few weeks.  Now to go back to snoozing to send this cold on it's way.