Anxiety and Mormonism

I was never comfortable talking about the church when I was member. Except with other members and even then I rarely went into details.

Let me give you an example of why.

Let's look at the Word of Wisdom. For those who don't know it's the code by which mormons live in regards to what is consumed food and beverage wise. Eg no alcohol, tea or coffee, no drugs, etc. As taught by the missionaries and in the class for new members it made sense. Alcohol can (and I mean can) be dangerous and coffee is addictive. Drugs, also quite obvious as is smoking.

It wasn't until a couple of years later when I came across the WoW (word of wisdom, not world of warcraft) in doctrine and covenants section 89 that it suddenly made no sense whatsoever. I remember being excited, thinking I'd gain a better understanding of the commandment instead it left me with a WTH? Feeling.

It says that hot drinks are not for the belly. Yet hot chocolate us ok? I don't know if it was universal either but in my area herbal teas were ok, but not green tea (which is super healthy for you and is considered an herbal tea).

It also talks about wine for the sacrament, and yet they use water. In fact the prayers for the sacrament say wine, and I remember searching for any info on when and why it was changed to water and came up with nada. I'm honestly suspecting (this is my opinion and I haven't researched this) but I suspect the change may have happened around the time of the prohibition.

I also remember a discussion in Institute (a weekly or even bi weekly in some areas church class) there being a discussion about how meat should be eaten sparingly, even not at all and only in times when everything else is sparse. So shouldn't that mean we should be vegetarians? And yet quite a lot of members eat meat all year round.

So when it comes to trying to tell others about this church, no wonder I felt anxious. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone would stump me with a question. And how easy it would be when there's already so much confusion within one of the biggest mormon beliefs. Especially since it has been changed and altered with time.

I used to just chalk it up to continued revelation.

But then when I learned how at one point in time there was the law of consecration, and for a time it worked. Until things eventually fell apart and they revoked the law. It made me uncomfortable because why would god instill it in the first place if the people were not ready? Was he all knowing or not?

But it was a trial of faith yes? The whole thing made me uncomfortable. Looking back a lot of it made me uncomfortable. It wasn't until I decided to explore the why that I realized I needed to leave.