Sometimes Inspiration Hits Like an Arrow to the Head

Okay not really, but that sentence popped into my head and I wanted to use it.

General Conference + Spirit = Inspirition and guideance galore.

Sadly I was ill prepared and this conference has not been on the list of most epic.  But that's also because I missed all of yesterday, and hit and miss internet made me miss most of this afternoon's session.  But this morning?  Absolutely fantastic!  Though once I got back to my parents I bawled my eyes out.

What can I say? Sometimes I'm a hormonal woman who gets highly emotional.  90% of the time I'm a major tomboy who's one of the guys (I prefer those times).  But sometimes crying is exactly what's needed.  And it's not exactly the crying that helps (barely breathing and having tears and snot streaming down your face isn't enjoyable) but the opportunity to just feel what needs to be felt is sadly a very rare, but very freeing blessing.

What could've prompted it?  I won't go into all of it.  But I think it's partly me feeling entirely overworked.  Well... not necessarily overworked per say, but over tired.  I've been denying it for a while now, since I work at most 5 hours a day, how could that make one over worked?  But I think it's because the timing of my schedule is a bit awkward... Add to that the hour drive to get to where most of my friends live, means I have a pretty darn non existent social life.  If I didn't live at the stable where people come and go I'd have no social life, which would be a major bummer.

Though now I've hit this awkward limbo where I want to do things with people, but still don't quite follow through, or my schedule just doesn't work out.

Ironically this wasn't even what I was going to originally write about.  But I don't mind when my fingers take over and write for me, they know things.

Anywhoo, I was reading another blog (I'm reading more and more) and it suddenly hit me.  I need to write every day!  That's what I've been missing!

I've been trying to do this for years.  But what struck me this time was that I should write about my experiences every day, even if I can't post them to here.  There's been so many days where I've wished I could update my blog, and then I realized that even if I can't update it that moment, I could at least write about what's on my mind.

I think I sometimes forget that blog writing is still writing.  I've gotten overly obsessed with book mode that it kind of completely ruined my creative writing mojo.  I realized recently too that I'd stopped writing for the reasons that got me to love it so much.  I used to long to write for the characters and the stories.  To see how these visions in my head would translate to paper.  And that's what finally helped me finish a chapter I'd been avoiding working on for months.

But the habit isn't there.  I still avoid it and still don't write like I want to every day.  Which is highly counter productive to trying to get a story written.

Sometimes too, I feel completely inadequate to do what I feel I should be doing.  I feel these stories in my head are so big, I don't know how I could possibly do them enough justice.  Maybe what it all comes down too is that I'm afraid everyone will hate them and so I want to keep them hidden.

But that also fills me with anxiety cause I know they need to be written.

Sometimes I want to rip my emotions out so I can write... but I can't write without emotions so that would be null and void.

Maybe all I really need is to open up to the people around me.

Day of Awesome

I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again.  I love the Temple.  It's a special place with a special spirit that you just can't find anywhere else.  Puts me at peace, and every bad thought leaves my head so that I can clearly, and carefully think and pray about things I need answers too.  And answers came.

There's change coming in my life, and I'm quite looking forward to it.  A bit of apprehension, but it's coming at the right time.  Just have to go figure out how to implement it.  But I'll trust in Him, He knows what to do.

After the Temple we went to an all you can eat buffet.  I ate three plates of yummy food and laughed a lot.  Great times!

Then we went to the Biodome, haven't been there in years!!  I was so excited!  (Lots of bouncing and clapping of hands and grinning... may have been some squealing).  It was my first time going in the winter and I never realized how hot the tropical zone is.  The animals were kind of sleepy, but still a lot of fun to go and see them.  They had otters!!!!  Last time I went they didn't have any!  So, so, SO cute!  I spent the most time with the Penguins (obviously).  Cheeky things all had their backs to us (one was proudly showing it's bum).  I love the ones with the eyebrows, they look like they have so much attitude.  Like: Hey watchu lookin' at?  Priceless.

Then I accidentally left the area early to go to the gift shop.  For some reason I didn't think the exit would be guarded.  OOPS!  So me and my new friend Larry the Otter hung out on a bench and got a lot of strange looks from people.

But seriously, could you resist this face?

Grace Under Pressure

This week was an interesting week.  A lot happened and I'm so thankful it's finally Sunday.  Church is an awesome place to unwind and review how things went, where I could improve, and what things I can pat myself on the back for.

I feel like I've grown a ton, especially within the past few days.  I feel stronger, calmer, and more capable of handling myself.  I feel more like a woman and that feels pretty darn awesome.  Friends helped with that one.

I've also had the opportunity to think over some things.  Like where I am, where I'm going, and what should I be doing right now.  Some promptings are not easy to follow, but I'll do my best to do what He would have me do.  Because if there's anything I've learned more strongly over the past few months is that God does know best.  He loves me and cares for me and will never leave me hanging.  So long as I do what I can to keep myself near to Him.

Belle is doing awesome.  She's been eating her medicine (slathered in very sticky molases), and we've been enjoying our 20min walking sessions.  So long as mommy does it when it's warm.  But I laughed as she power walked the whole time.   My little goofball.

I had an excellent time at a dressage clinic yesterday.  Dash was such a good girl for me.  I also learned a lot about my position and how to improve it.  Totally awesome, especially because it did improve (major yay).

I'm so looking forward to going to the Temple next week.  It's been a long overdue trip.  I need it especially now, to take time to reflect and ponder and learn.  I know I'll receive His guidance.

Life is good, life is very good, especially when it's hard.  Because that's when we grow, we progress, and when we learn the most about ourselves.  Sometimes what we learn isn't pretty.  Sometimes it's downright ugly.  But what matters is that we accept it, move on and do our best to improve those parts and make them strong.

Jesus Christ lives, He is the Son of our Eternal Father.  And this I know with every fiber of my being.

Much love,
Leah