That Figures

I realized something this week.

I've been working on a story about Hades and Persephone. Uberly excited about it!! And it's been writing very well, I don't remember the last time I wrote this effortlessly.

Then I realized that it was the same with fan fiction. I can easily pump out a story based on a game or book but I realized its because it's comforting using characters and ideas people are already familiar with. However with my own characters and stories I have to introduce everything. Whereas with fan fiction you can kind of cheat a little.

So I'm hoping to use this Greek mythology based story to use the comfort of familiarity to practice developing story and character. (I had a better sentence in my head and half of it vanished before I wrote it, blast!)

One of these days it will again be easy for me to write my original stories!!!

But in the meantime I'm having a lot of fun with the god of the underworld!

Overpopulation

A couple of months ago now I read Dan Brown's Inferno. I highly recommend it. It's thrilling, exciting and even better makes you think. About a rather terrifying subject.

Without giving too much away, one of the characters in the story is extremely concerned with overpopulation and the effects it has on the planet. We are past the earth's sustainability. We are running out of resources.

The character then says something rather controversial and says the black plague was in fact a very good thing. Population numbers were booming and the sickness culled the numbers. The scariest part of that exchange was when I found myself agreeing with the character.

My mother and I were talking about it this evening and at risk of causing I minor explosion of admitted that as much as I am grateful for medicine, it's too good. People live longer and less sickness kills us. It sounds absolutely vile to say but we're loosing humanity's only predator: disease.

It's like in an ecosystem, when the pray has a larger population than the predators, the system suffers and the herbivores devour their resources. The opposite is also not good, but nature requires balance.

I won't give away what happens in the book, but I will say I support the antagonist and his views, for the most part.

Overpopulation is the planet's greatest risk, and it grows exponentially.

Here's a scary image.

So when I hear people against gay marriage worry about replenishing the earth, that scares me even more. The earth is plenty populated. If something is not done there will be nothing left for us, nothing left for the future generations.

I personally don't want kids of my own. If I change my mind, I'm adopting. I just quake at the thought of adding to the population.

Anxiety and Mormonism

I was never comfortable talking about the church when I was member. Except with other members and even then I rarely went into details.

Let me give you an example of why.

Let's look at the Word of Wisdom. For those who don't know it's the code by which mormons live in regards to what is consumed food and beverage wise. Eg no alcohol, tea or coffee, no drugs, etc. As taught by the missionaries and in the class for new members it made sense. Alcohol can (and I mean can) be dangerous and coffee is addictive. Drugs, also quite obvious as is smoking.

It wasn't until a couple of years later when I came across the WoW (word of wisdom, not world of warcraft) in doctrine and covenants section 89 that it suddenly made no sense whatsoever. I remember being excited, thinking I'd gain a better understanding of the commandment instead it left me with a WTH? Feeling.

It says that hot drinks are not for the belly. Yet hot chocolate us ok? I don't know if it was universal either but in my area herbal teas were ok, but not green tea (which is super healthy for you and is considered an herbal tea).

It also talks about wine for the sacrament, and yet they use water. In fact the prayers for the sacrament say wine, and I remember searching for any info on when and why it was changed to water and came up with nada. I'm honestly suspecting (this is my opinion and I haven't researched this) but I suspect the change may have happened around the time of the prohibition.

I also remember a discussion in Institute (a weekly or even bi weekly in some areas church class) there being a discussion about how meat should be eaten sparingly, even not at all and only in times when everything else is sparse. So shouldn't that mean we should be vegetarians? And yet quite a lot of members eat meat all year round.

So when it comes to trying to tell others about this church, no wonder I felt anxious. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone would stump me with a question. And how easy it would be when there's already so much confusion within one of the biggest mormon beliefs. Especially since it has been changed and altered with time.

I used to just chalk it up to continued revelation.

But then when I learned how at one point in time there was the law of consecration, and for a time it worked. Until things eventually fell apart and they revoked the law. It made me uncomfortable because why would god instill it in the first place if the people were not ready? Was he all knowing or not?

But it was a trial of faith yes? The whole thing made me uncomfortable. Looking back a lot of it made me uncomfortable. It wasn't until I decided to explore the why that I realized I needed to leave.

Your Pants are not My Pants

So I saw this on Facebook.

And for half a second I almost agreed then I thought:  No!  People have the right to do whatever the hell they want.  I personally think it's ridiculous but if they want to trip over their own pants then let them.  No one's forcing me to wear their pants like that so why should I force others to wear their pants the way I want them to?

There's a difference between standing up for your beliefs and trying to get others to believe them with you.  Make sure you know and understand that.

Also, please, I am not "struggling" with my faith I have left the church.  As in resigned.  As in no longer going.  As in if you want to see me make plans with me outside of church because that's the only way it's going to happen.

Science VS Religion

I haven't done this much research since I was obsessively reading anything and everything related to Anicent Egypt.  It's exciting and thrilling because it has my brain actively thinking and analyzing the world around me again, and it reminded me of how much I love science.

I've been watching a youtube video series, which if you have me on facebook you'll know about it since I've posted a couple of links.  Why I Left Mormonism  I highly recommend it.  He's very unbiased and has no animosity which I find really incredible.

Anyways, while I was watching part 5, it suddenly struck me (enough that I sat bolt upright and opened up my blog) the reason why it's so hard, if not impossible, for human beings to discuss religious "truths"  And it is because so much of it is based in our emotions.

What words do we hear most often when people are talking about it?  I feel, I know, I testify, etc.

Whereas in science, every single form of science, you have facts, equations, variables, etc.  And although a scientist may be emotionally invested in their work, at the end of the day you cannot deny scientific evidence.  It is entirely based on evidence that can be seen, that can be proved or disproved, and at the end of the day it had nothing to do with emotional based spiritual experiences.

I don't know what may or may not be true regarding God.  But I do have some strong hypotheses and experiences that I had conveniently forgotten while living in the Mormon church.  Truthfully at this point I am hesitant, even unwilling to believe specifically in god.  But, I do feel that there is a power out there that helps to shape the universe, and I do feel that in a way, it helps guide us when we need its guidance.

But ultimately I feel we are very much in control of our own destinies and can literally influence the world around us.  Watch and learn.

I guess I just wish that it were possible to discuss our views without our emotions getting in the way.  But when it comes to beliefs and religions, it's not necessarily impossible, but it is very likely to be charged with emotion, because that is what it is based in.

Really though life at the end of the day is about being happy.  And I think the only way to be happy is to be true to yourself.  For me that meant leaving the church.  I haven't felt this happy or comfortable in my own skin in years.  It's easier to talk to and connect with people.  I no longer worry about the spirit being offended.  Now all I worry about is if my horse is okay and knowing what I can do to help bring a little more equality and understanding into the world.

Writing has become easier because I'm more willing to look at things objectively and I haven't been distracted by a constant nagging guilt.  I recently did a big writer no-no and deleted everything off my computer from that book series I've been talking about for years.  I felt it necessary to do a complete do over.  So for now it's just gonna sit as a vacant spot in my computer until I can reboot my brain properly.

But I'm excited.  Cause there are so many mysteries left to explore and I can wander all over the place without fear.  I can find truth wherever it lies and communicate with people of different races, religions and sexual orientations without worry.  We're all human and that's all that matters.

Being Brave

No sense beating around the Bush anymore so I'm just going to say it:

I've left the Church. (the mormon one for those who dont know).

I know it's a crappy way for some of you to find out, but this way I can get my thoughts out.

First I want to say that I do not regret joining the church. It came at a time when I needed hope, and I've met many wonderful people through it.

That being said, there's a lot that's wrong with it. And if it's supposed to be true, that shouldn't be the case should it?

I can't remember where or when exactly I found out, but I learned that the church put forth funding to make sure proposition 8 was passed. This both enraged and disgusted me. What right did they have to interfere in others lives like that? And using, I'm guessing, money from tithing to do it? What happened to agency? Free will? The actions spoke very differently than the words.

And it left a disquiet in my soul. Which then opened the way for some clear and concise thinking, which I hadn't allowed myself to do in years.

So many things I'd piled onto my shelf came topping down, and after barely any effort came across a lot of information about the church that completely discredits their claim of truth. I've also spoken with people I trust, and have very quickly learned I'm among many who left not because of sin, but because we realized we'd been lied to.

After a lot of reading and a scary afternoon of contemplating the potential damming of my soul, I decided that I was going to leave.

Years if guilt and doubt washed away and I was left feeling free and in control. And that's how it should be. We are in control of ourselves, completely. We do not need religion to dictate every aspect of our lives, especially not our underwear.

See, for a while I've wondered why people weren't more willing to accept the truth of the church. But it's because it does not hold up to serious inquiry. Evidence quickly debunks so much of it. And the god they claim to be so merciful and dull of unconditional love? If that's the case, why are there so many steps to follow and rules to obey to get into the highest glory? Which, even if it turns out to be true, I'd rather be with my family and those I care about.

I'm looking forward to my wedding again. Where my family can see their only daughter get married. As it should be. It's about family isn't it? Why must it be so exclusive?

I could go on and on and perhaps I'll touch on the subject again. But for now this is all I have to say. I know I made the right decision because for the first time in years I'm very comfortable in my own skin and I no longer have to solicit my thoughts.

Hit and Miss

So, recap of the show!
It was really nice waking up at 5:30 when my body decided too instead of my alarm yelling at me. It was also really nice having a lot of time to get my horse white again. (cause one bath is not enough apparently).
They were calling for 30, feels like 40 weather so in my mind I was prepping for a crappy hot day. Thankfully the morning was cloudy and not too bad at all. It stayed cloudy for most of the morning which included warn up and test 1.
This show was a little different because there wasn't space to ride outside if the ring, but we could do a little warm up inside of it. Part of me thought: this should be good for helping me ride like I normally do. We are in the ring and riding normally, yes!
Bell gets rung, we duck out to reenter the ring. And then suddenly the beautiful supple and even paced horse is gone. Perfect confirmation that yes, it IS me doing who knows what in the ring.
Oh well, at least it was seriously funny.
My scores were much better than I thought (60,61 won't! We had a shadow judge) and we came in 6th, but no ribbon sadly.
But that's ok, I will ride better and improve and get me a ribbon! (yes I'm highly competitive).
Test 2, started out being a little wishy washy with a crooked halt (ny bad), and belle resisting a bit, but I was like: no, just ride and get to it. Then boom! I think belle was relieved that I'd actually remembered to ride and breathe during the test. She was round, supple, and we were accurate (not perfect) in our leg yields and my pony had some awesome lengthens.
I came out feeling great and relieved. Ha! Take that nerves I beat ya and rode through it!
Then got a 58 and came in 9th.

Can't please everyone.

Goal for the next show: ride my tests in sitting trot!